Introduce me to my Man & Get $10,000

Recently, I came across a post on MSN titled “Woman offers $10,000 bounty to whoever finds her future husband” describing how an anonymous supervisor at a San Francisco based advertising agency emailed friends with an interesting proposal. The proposal is a $10,000 bounty to whoever introduces her to her future husband. She agrees to give the person who introduces her to her potential husband $10,000 on their wedding day. The anonymous woman credits her behavior to be inspired by a feminist handbook called “Lean In.” She writes the following expert on how she came up with the idea for the proposal:

‘”I just finished the book “Lean In.” And whether you’re a fan of this feminist social movement is neither here nor there. What is here is an idea that came to me after reading this book. I thought, “I get it, I need to sit at the table. I need to be deeply committed to becoming a leader.” Got it. I’m on it. And then I thought, “It’s 11PM on a Sunday night, I’m single, I just had to squirt dish soap on leftover pizza so I wouldn’t eat 2 more slices and this is the second self-help book I’ve read this month.”’

She continues with her rationalizing for her proposal by stating the following:

‘”And then it was as if Sheryl Sandberg and Patti Stanger bitch slapped me across the face with a soaking wet “stop being single” towel. If I wanted a new job, would I sit in the lobby of the employer’s building just hoping that someone would offer me my dream job? No. If I want a husband, will he just show up out of thin air and ask me to hang out with him for the rest of his life? No. Okay—maybe if I looked like Kate Upton. But I don’t. (However, in 2005 the freshman class of my sorority did say that Charlize Theron was my doppelganger. Yes, we might have been hazing them. Yes, they might have been blind folded. But they said it.) So yeah, I’m not Kate Upton. You get the point.””

It is this thought process that inspires this supervisor to write the following email that she sent to friends:

‘”I will personally give ten thousand dollars to the friend who introduces me to my husband.

Here is how the referral program works:

Step 1: You set me up on a date with a man

Step 2: I marry that man

Step 3: I give you $10,000 on my wedding day

I know you’re thinking that this is nuts. Just plain crazy. “[Redacted], you can find a husband without dishing out $10,000.” Well for starters, thank you – I’m flattered. And secondly, I totally agree. But the reality is finding a husband always costs money. I just collected 1,000 insider points from Sephora and this isn’t because I buy beauty products to impress my 4-year old nephew.”‘

This story provoked a mixture of feelings and thoughts in me which included this woman has spirit to is this to what our society has come to where a woman’s identity still continues to be linked to her marital status? One thing is for sure is that I would love to interview this supervisor who came up this proposal. It would be  intriguing to further discuss with her the thought process  that lead to this behavior in detail. Though we might have the automatic thoughts to dubbed her as “desperate” to “strong-minded,” I would encourage everyone to remain open minded and remember the importance of empathy. Also, to remember that we can never truly walk in someone else’s shoes since experiences are individualistic.

Written by Audrey Haven, LMSW
Staff Writer